Today actually started out great!
Had a good night’s rest, got plenty of sleep, didn’t immediately crave a cigarette when I woke up, and made a nice breakfast for myself.
I didn’t have any allergies, either.
There were a few moments of physical pain, but they came and went quickly.
I truly thought, “You know, I think the worst is behind me!”
I worked a double-shift, and it was a really busy night. I work at 2 restaurants, both serving and bartending.
But it was a crazy, busy day, and it never let up.
I only received a small break between shifts, and the constant running back and forth kept going the entire time.
I was exhausted, and quite frustrated that it never seemed to end.
I was getting angry and upset.
I started to think, “I could sure go for a cigarette right now. I might have one when I get off. It’s my fault for working in such a crazy place. It’s too hard and too stressful.”
That’s exactly what played in my mind on a constant loop for a couple hours tonight.
I was ready to give it all up, because of a few busy hours at work.
Luckily, I have a long walk home so I can re-evaluate my thoughts and think about my situation.
Once you’re out of the crazy work environment, it’s a whole other story. It’s easier to get through once you’re out in the fresh air, away from drama.
But that’s not the end of it.
On my walk home, my friend (who just so happens to be a smoker) called me.
The mere sound of her voice brought back tons of flashbacks to us puffing away while having a great time with whatever we were doing.
I specifically remember the cravings coming on real strong during our conversation. It’s because the last time I talked to her, I was a smoker.
She’s a huge trigger.
It was hard to mentally get away from this.
My friend said she was coming to visit in about a month, so my mind was convincing me to smoke until she gets here, because once we hangout, we’ll both be smoking together anyways.
That’s what Day 4 is like.
It tried convincing me that I might as well continue until my friend comes to visit, and then after that I can quit.
It’s always after an “event.”
It always says to wait until the next major event, and then stop after that because it will be easier.
That’s an absolute lie, because quitting is never easy.
It’s impossible that I’d remain that way for another month until my friend arrives.
So would it have been worth it to smoke for just a few hours (because of the intense cravings) only to quit tomorrow and start all the way over at square one? Absolutely not!
I’m so glad I didn’t give in tonight.
It was tough, and there were plenty of moments I wanted to give up and surrender to my addiction, but in the end, I managed to succeed.
That’s what you call “letting your guard down.”
I definitely let my guard down this morning. I wasn’t prepared AT ALL for the stressful night ahead of me.
I wasn’t mentally prepared for that phone call, either. That was a nail biter in itself.