Well, I’m still sick, though not nearly as sick as last night.
I couldn’t even believe what was happening last night. I could barely breathe.
I’m still having breathing problems, and it seems to have gotten worse as the night progressed.
It still puzzles me why, when I get sick, it always starts in my lungs. It never used to be that way.
As far as withdrawal goes, there was none.
Again, as I’ve said before, I don’t find it possible to feel two separate things at one time.
If I’m sick, I don’t feel withdrawal, and my allergies don’t affect me. If I’m not sick, I could feel either of the other two things, but not both at the same time.
If I’m going through crazy withdrawals, I’m likely not feeling an allergy attack. If my allergies are horrible all day long, it’s a guarantee I don’t feel any withdrawal.
That’s just the way it is.
I’m not sure what I’d rather feel right now between the 3 of them.
Alleriges make me hate my life, because of sneezing and blowing my nose every 5 minutes.
Being sick is probably the worst, because when you can’t breathe, what else is there?
Really, breathing problems are no fun at all and they are very serious.
I can imagine that what I’m feeling right now somewhat resembles emphysema.
Do you want to know what that feels like?
I can’t imagine living life like that.
Last night when my sickness was at its peak, I DID feel somewhat like that.
I was gasping for every breath.
The compression of my lungs made my back tighten up. I couldn’t get comfortable, and I definitely couldn’t sleep or rest easy.
I was up until morning.
I do know someone with emphysema. It’s quite painful to watch.
She consistently has to haul around an oxygen tank, and have those tubes wrapped around her nose and head.
Every 15 minutes or so, she has to turn the machine on and suck in some oxygen, breathing in and out from the tube. This is all just to stay alive and survive, and she does it all day long.
But do you know the saddest part?
She still goes outside for a cigarette. She still is an absolute slave to nicotine.
She always says:
That is something I do not wish to live through, no matter what. It has to be one of the worst ways to die.
Breathing through a tube and basically suffocating to death does not sound like a peaceful way to go. All of that because you want a cigarette.
Does it seem worth it?
I can imagine as soon as my sickness ends, the intense physical cravings will return. My ordeal is not over yet.
Tomorrow will be my 2 week milestone. I’m really excited about that! Haven’t gone this far in a very long time.
Though this time, it’s for good.
Because I got sick yesterday, I never did end up going to my friend’s birthday party.
Do you remember a few days back when nicotine cravings were trying to convince me to smoke from that moment until after her party? Well, if I would’ve done that, it would’ve been all in vain because I ended up getting sick before I even got there.
I wonder what the next “event” nicotine will try and persuade me to smoke for? I’m sure it will come up with something.
It always does.
Luckily, it’s losing the battle right now, and I am finally winning.
Yes, it’s been a rough 2 weeks so far, and I haven’t felt good the majority of the time, but I know in the end, it will be well worth the price I’m paying right now.
It’s worth getting sick for.
The countdown for this nightmare being over with FOR GOOD is underway.