Today sucked again, only it wasn’t necessarily nicotine withdrawal, it was allergies.
Spring is such a killer for me. Sometimes I question why I live here when I feel so awful all the time.
It’s crippling, and only those who have them know what I’m going through. Otherwise everybody else has no idea.
They don’t understand that it zaps every bit of energy from you, and it can be just as horrendous as the flu.
Allergies have nothing to do with withdrawal, though. However, they were strong enough to overpower any cravings that I did have, or could’ve had throughout the day.
Of course when I wasn’t having a full-blown attack, I could feel some withdrawal pains in my stomach and my lungs, but once the allergies kicked back in (and they always did), the withdrawal fizzled away.
One thing that does concern me, though, was a text message I got from my friend today. She is having her birthday party in a few days and everyone is welcomed to come over.
Even though she is not a smoker, her text message was an immediate trigger for me.
What worries me is if smokers will be present.
It’s silly to think I can’t do anything right now without giving in to my addiction, but it is definitely something I should take caution with.
I certainly shouldn’t just brush this moment under the rug as if it’s a piece of cake.
If there are smokers present, it might be tough.
As you can see, I’m worried already, and I haven’t even said I’m going yet. That’s how addictive nicotine can be.
It makes you worry about the future.
Who knows, my allergies might be too intense (like they are now) for me to want to go out anyways. If I feel like this, I won’t go.
I feel obligated to go otherwise, but that also doesn’t mean I have to stay there all night. I could go for an hour or so, and then come home. There is nothing wrong with that.
I shouldn’t let nicotine convince me that I need to hang around the ENTIRE night for hours on end, if I indeed decide to go to the party.
That’s how ridiculous the thoughts are it gives you.
Who really cares?
Who cares if there’s smokers at a party? That doesn’t mean for one second that I am obligated to light up as well.
Now I am not as concerned with relapsing right now as much as I was the week prior to this.
I’ve got 9 days under my belt now, and although I’m not even halfway done yet, it’s still a good chunk.
What I need to do is keep doing what I’m doing and stop worrying about the future.
I’m doing a fantastic job so far and I need to keep it up. Don’t let some stupid party get in my way.
Who cares really?
Go for an hour and then come home.
I might not even go, who knows. One step at a time.
Tomorrow is Day 10, and that’s a pretty awesome feeling. I should feel very proud of myself.
I haven’t really felt “normal” yet as everyday has brought some sort of ailment upon me.
But that’s partly my fault for living in a region that is horrible for allergies.
Otherwise, I’ve felt physical pains at one time or another, each and every day.
Anxiety is still a big issue for me. There were times at work tonight when I was feeling an attack coming on.
I wasn’t stressed out from any situation, so it was most likely because of withdrawal.
But, it wasn’t as bad as yesterday. That was a complete nightmare, and I hope I never have to go through that again.
I just have to NOT worry about the future.
I need to just take baby steps, one at a time, and focus on the present moment.
I can do this!
I’ve waited 17 years to finally break the addiction, and I’m not going to let some stupid party get in the way of reaching my goals.