Another day under my belt, and getting closer and closer to that magic day of 21.
Yes, it’s getting easier, and yes, the physical withdrawal is becoming less noticeable by the day, but today was still riddled with pain and anxiety.
Today started off fantastic! Everything was great.
I didn’t feel any withdrawal, no allergies, no breathing problems, high energy, and a vigor for life.
However, while at work, I did experience some stomach pains.
It’s quite easy to spot those instances now. I know exactly what the feeling means.
It means my body is craving a cigarette.
I also had a slight anxiety attack again, although not as severe.
I do wonder if that’s ever going to stop permanently, because I just am not who I really am when I’m going through anxiety.
I’m not my real self. I’m some robotic, monotone, anti-social mess.
Perhaps it has something to do with social anxiety.
Perhaps a good chunk of it is based on my body’s physical addiction to nicotine, and the fact I’m not feeding it any. Maybe that’s my body’s way of freaking out.
I’ll know in about a month if that’s still the case.
Why is that?
My entire adulthood has been plagued by addiction issues.
Yes, there have been some times when I quit smoking for a number of months, but I relapsed, and it only made me start all over again, with all the physical pains to go along with it.
Of course nothing is guaranteed, as life is unpredictable and anything can happen at anytime, but if I remain a non-smoker, it will be the first time ever in 34 years.
I haven’t been a complete non-smoker since I was a sophomore in high school.
That’s over half my life ago!
I can’t even imagine getting to a point in life when cigarettes do not even cross my mind for an entire day, let alone weeks or months.
Think of all the freedom I’ll have.
I’ll be able to do anything I want to do, because I’ll no longer be a slave to nicotine. When you’re not a slave to an addiction, you are in control of your own life, and your own destiny.
THAT is what I’m looking forward to the most!
I was also drinking way too much, gambling way too much, being unhealthy, going no where in life, and basically on a downward spiral.
If I take one single drag of a cigarette, I’ll be right back in that same spot in a matter of hours, and I have no intention on ever doing that.
I can sit and reminisce about how I used to love smoking, and the “good old days with friends,” but that’s all a complete lie.
It’s a trap!
I can’t and won’t let that happen. I’ve come too far now.
I see the light, and I want to jump right into it.
No, I’m not a completely different person physically or anything, but my actions since I’ve quit are 180 degrees different from what I used to do.
Now I haven’t gone back since.
Do I miss it?
My addiction would like to make me believe I do.
Do I miss feeling physically horrible every single day? Absolutely not!
Yes, I’m going through crazy withdrawal, but beyond that I feel a whole lot better than before. I would NEVER want to go back.
I’m very excited about the direction in life I’m headed towards.