Today was a piece of cake in terms of physical withdrawal.
I didn’t really have any intense cravings at all, nor did I have any stomach pains or anxiety attacks, either.
Today was just a good, all-around day, and I wish all days were like this one.
That’s not to say this is over though, because nicotine is still in my body.
I can feel little bits and pieces every now and then. It isn’t finished yet.
But the end is in sight, and I have my milestone day marked on the calendar.
It’s my day off, and it’s going to be a fantastic day to celebrate.
I’m a server at two restaurants, so I always have cash.
What’s so different about this is that I used to go directly from work to the bar and spend it all, and then go home with nothing.
I did that 3-5 times a week.
I mean I would literally spend every penny I just made, from grueling away at work, doing my very best, in about 20 minutes at the bar, in a slot machine.
Plus add 5 or 6 drinks to that.
Plus a pack of cigarettes, of course.
This was my everyday life for a long time.
Every time I would relapse, I’d get very angry, and punish myself by going to the bar and spending all the money I just made.
I would smoke as much as I could to “really hate cigarettes in the morning” and I’d drink as much as I could.
Every morning I woke up feeling absolutely horrified at what I did the night before.
It truly was a vicious cycle, because it happened all the time.
As soon as the hangover went away, and I made more money at work, I wanted to do it all over again.
It was not a healthy lifestyle at all. It was a vicious cycle that never ended.
If I wasn’t smoking, I wouldn’t be going directly to the bar after work. I’d be doing more responsible things.
I’m not saying going to the bar is bad all the time, as it’s perfectly fine in moderation, but I was going everyday after work.
That is not OK in my book.
Moderation is like once a week, not 5 times a week.
If I wasn’t going to the bar every night, I wouldn’t be spending all my money. If I wasn’t spending all my money, I wouldn’t be depressed and punishing myself.
See how it’s all a domino effect?
One things leads to another.
So by putting my money directly into the bank before I even get home eliminates the source for spending.
Sure I could still go out, but the cash wouldn’t be there. It really is an effective tool that I’m glad I’ve introduced into my life.
Plus I’m saving money and paying all my bills at the same time. It’s a total win-win situation for me.
The great news so far is that I’ve gone directly to the bank each night. I haven’t been foolish yet.
I’m used to it now, as I feel it’s a total lifestyle change.
I don’t want to go back to that old life. I wasn’t a happy person, inside and out.
I was quite miserable, actually.
The best part of my life is still to come, though, and I’m 100% confident of that.
All the pieces of the puzzle are coming together, and I’m finally beginning to be the real ME.
But what I can’t do in these final days is let my guard down and expect nothing bad to happen.
There is still every possibility of smoking, because nothing is guaranteed, and you never know what lies around the corner.
Something terrible could happen tomorrow and I might not be strong enough.
Hopefully I am, but you never know.
You just have to believe in yourself, and want it so badly that you’ll face any hardships, no matter what.
You have to believe that it IS possible. If you don’t believe that anything is possible, you won’t succeed.
It’s really as simple as that.