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You are here: Home / My First 30 Days / Day 1

Day 1

Filed Under: Blog, My First 30 Days 34 Comments

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I think it’s important, and quite therapeutic, to track and write down your thoughts about quitting smoking as the days progress.

This is why I’m going to share with you EXACTLY what is happening during MY experience.

It feels good to vent it all out, and at the same time helping others like YOU, who are struggling with addiction and are looking for someone they can relate to.

“No one can relate to a doctor on a website saying smoking is bad for you. Everybody already knows that.”

Today was actually quite horrible, from beginning to end. I still feel awful.

Yesterday, I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes, so I knew today would be hard. I knew as soon as I woke up, I’d be craving one. It was the first thing I thought about. I even forgot that I had quit.

How ridiculous is that?

I thought about smoking first, and then I realized I had quit (which nicotine wants you to forget), and that left a depressing thought in my mind.

Why was it depressing?

Because nicotine brings all the negative thoughts forward, ESPECIALLY upon waking up on Day 1. Its main goal is to make me feel as horrible as possible as if to say “How dare you quit!”

“When you read about cravings lasting a few minutes or less, don’t believe them. In reality, cravings can last all day long.”

Today was one big, painful craving. It’s not painful in the same way that pinching yourself is painful, or cutting yourself. It’s not like that. It’s more like a bruised feeling, an inner soreness.

It’s your body shutting down.

My breathing was pretty horrible all day. My stomach became distended, and that put pressure on my lungs. My lower back hurt because I couldn’t breathe properly.

During the first part of the day, I was really dizzy, almost to a point of feeling faint.

The early cravings were so intense, and I was so dizzy, that I just couldn’t believe it.

I do feel that the longer you remain a smoker, the worse off nicotine withdrawal will be for you.

I don’t believe for one second that the pains of withdrawal from a smoker of 1 year is the same pain from a smoker of 15-20 years.

The duration is the same, physical withdrawal lasts around 3 weeks, but the intensity can vary from one person to another.

I just finished up 18 years, so my cravings and pains are pretty insane.

Work was horrible.

Withdrawal makes you a crazy person.

I couldn’t really smile all day long, I was too busy concentrating on being in pain. I couldn’t really hold a conversation, or even contribute to one, because my breathing was so bad and I just didn’t feel like talking.

My entire being was 100% affected.

My co-worker asked me today if I was feeling OK, because I was sick last week, but I lied to her and told her no.

You see, I’ve quit smoking so many times in my life, only to end up relapsing, that people don’t take me serious anymore.

No one believes me, they snicker and laugh, and they say the old cliche “I’ve heard it all before.”

There is truth to both sides. I know that. I know it’s stupid to keep starting and stopping so many times.

But I can honestly say that it’s because nicotine controls my every thought.

“My entire day revolves around thoughts of smoking.”

When I get home from work, all I do is smoke, one right after the other. When I wake up, the first thing I do is smoke.

I don’t go to the gym anymore, because once I start smoking during the day, I feel ashamed about it, and very unmotivated to go workout, so I stay home (and smoke).

I literally have no energy to be active, because cigarettes have taken it all away from me. Yet I still find time to smoke.

I’m still coughing up a lung, it’s disgusting. I’m always spitting when I walk down the street. I’m always trying to clear my lungs out.

That’s not very attractive if you ask me. I don’t feel I’m date-able, because I feel terrible about being a smoker and living my life controlled by it.

My apartment smells like an ashtray, all my clothes smell like stench. Even the inside of my backpack smells like smoke.

It’s embarrassing and I HATE IT!

When I smoke, I drink way too much, and I gamble. If I’m smoking, I’m most likely going out to a bar, and that’s just the way it is in my life.

“I never smoke and accept it as something I will do for the rest of my life.”

Recently, whenever I relapsed, I was potentially (and hopefully) smoking for “just one night.” I always promised myself that I’d quit tomorrow.

But tomorrow never came.

I’m in a constant cycle of “going out with a bang” and “ending it all” by smoking as much as I can, to become as disgusted by it as possible.

However, the more I smoked the night before meant worse pain the next day when I started Day 1.

I had 2 packs last night, and today has been awful. Very painful! I’m still in pain, although I know I will feel somewhat better tomorrow. It’ll still be bad, but not like today.

Day 1 is always the worst.

At least I know I can do it, though. I made it through a double-shift at work, and if I can do that and not smoke once, I can do anything. It really is sad that I continue to keep relapsing, because Day 1 is just an awful day.

Why do I continue to keep putting myself through this torture?

People probably think I’m just a space cadet, but what they don’t know is that I’m almost always going through withdrawal.

“People really don’t know the REAL me. In fact, neither do I.”

I know my life is going to be absolutely incredible, because I’ve lived it a few times. I know that as soon as I get over the physical, my life turns around 180 degrees and great things start happening.

I want my life back!!! I’m so mad that I don’t have it.

I’m taking it back.

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Filed Under: Blog, My First 30 Days Tagged With: Day 1

Comments

  1. Rach says

    March 30, 2021 at 5:25 am

    I stopped 6 Feb 2021 an started again not long ago i had family issue an used that as a justifiable reason to smoke..now im back on day one and cant believe im here again. I found reading your daily comments an everyone elses helpful an inspiring.so here we go again….

    Reply
  2. Evo01 says

    November 30, 2020 at 12:57 am

    My Day 01 on Cold Turkey. Time is too slow…

    Thank you for this page. Surely I will keep coming back.

    Reply
  3. no_nicotine says

    November 5, 2020 at 6:57 pm

    Hi Matt, thank you so much for your 30-days smoking cessation journal! It has been really helpful for me in the last couple of weeks. I have one question though: Is this journal from when you quit cold turkey or is this from when you quit using the electronic cigarettes? Thank you.

    Reply
    • MateoMateo says

      November 5, 2020 at 7:09 pm

      Good question! This is when I quit cold turkey. When I quit using ecigs, it was MUCH easier. Like black and white.

      Reply
  4. Dave says

    September 3, 2019 at 7:42 pm

    So I’ve already quit I’m on my 35th day, but I just wanted to let y’all know that if you get severe heartburn or acid reflux from quitting go out and buy some Oil of Oregano get the one that is 25% oil of oregano and 75% Extra virgin olive oil as 100% will burn you so it has to be diluted. Then get a glass and put about a double shot of water in it with 3 drops of oil of oregano. drink it and you won’t have acid reflux or heartburn. It’s a natural antibiotic, natural Fungicide and a natural antiseptic I got told about it by my dad then I looked into it and this stuff is great. I used to try Mylanta and Tums which destroys your stomach acid, and I noticed that It made my heart burn and acid reflux even worse the next day and would last for quit awhile it sucks. you can buy it on amazon. Oh and the first couple of times you use it, it kind of burns like a hot pepper just have a shot of milk or soy milk on stand buy. Good luck to everyone, you can quit, I was a 2 to 5 pack a day smoker for 25 years. I wish I would have found this stuff my first week of quitting.

    Reply
    • Vicky Ramsurrun says

      April 7, 2020 at 7:17 pm

      I am on my 17th day of quitting smoking.

      Reply
  5. Alicia says

    June 26, 2019 at 11:31 pm

    6/28/2019

    I’ve tried to quit 9 times now tomorrow will be number 10 the longest I’ve made it is 6 days. At the six day mark my brain was going to what I could only describe as a flash back when I was 20 (im 40 now) and camping and smoking and drinking and feeling good it seems the flash back lasts for 10 min then I snap myself out of it, and 5 to 10 minutes later I would be back in a different flash back. I’m a hardcore smoker anywhere from 1 – 5 packs a day depending on how much I have to do that day. I started when I was 17, but due to feeling like crap all day I just want to be free of this drug. what made me fail this last time was people asking me daily how is it going with quitting, pretty much making me think about smoking. I’m not telling anyone this time that I’m quitting. The hardest part for me is finding things to occupy my time cause it seems when I quit 1 minute takes an hour to go by. Stay strong everyone, and tell yourself to FO when you feel the craving.

    Reply
  6. Mike says

    May 5, 2019 at 3:15 am

    March 28, 2019 is my one year anniversary for being nicotine free!
    I quit cold turkey and couldn’t have done it without this web site.

    The mind set and mental prep that I gained from reading your posts are what helped me stay strong and beat my nicotine dependence.

    Thanks Matt.

    Mike

    Reply
  7. Drizzt says

    September 4, 2018 at 2:17 am

    Nothing really happened to me on the first day. I was already lightening the nicotine load. I did change the day at the last minute… or, a last minute decision to change the day. I quit on a Tuesday. I did a little research about the timelines and nicotine withdrawal. I was a little surprised to learned that for me… I should quit in the beginning of the week.

    The punchline is… August 21, 2018 @ 10:40 is my quit day. A Tuesday… weird, right? Yes, this is weird. See Day Two Remarks for the reason for the changes…

    Oh, I’m doing this at ‘Cold Turkey.’

    Reply
  8. Brian says

    August 21, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    im on day 7 here. Im really happy to have made it to the 1 week mark. Ive been smoking on and off (mostly on) for 20 years now. Recently turned 40 and enough was enough.

    The first day was the worst. I was having full on arguments with myself to not allow a cigarette. I mustve looked crazy. I also probably walked 7-10 miles that day just to release the energy.

    I kept telling myself “These are the battles i HAVE to win” over and over whenever the craving happened. I also wrote a note to myself to read when I was craving. It worked.

    Its such a monumentus challenge to quit but in the end it will be an equally monumentus achievement.

    Keep at it guys!!!! You can do it.

    Reply
  9. Dharmendra says

    July 28, 2018 at 3:17 pm

    This is my 10th and hopefully, (help me god!) last attempt!!! Have had a pack a day for the last 15 years. Am 36 M.

    Day 1 complete, no cigs, no gums.

    Having tea every now and then, spending some time with my 4-yr old son. Have a strange cough that kicks in every now and then. But can feel a clean source of energy brewing up inside me. Not sure, if it is craving but am feeling very energetic and just simply clean! Give me all the power to keep moving on!

    Regards,
    DSingh

    Reply
  10. Kraig says

    March 29, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    I am on day 3ish. Unlike other times I’ve tried to quit, this time, I didn’t start the day as an ex-smoker. I’ve been prepping myself for a few weeks (although not really believing I could do it). A couple days ago, started like every other. Around 8:45 (I start work at 6:30am) I smoked my last one of the pack, said “Fuck it, I’m done” and threw my lighter away. Started panicking a little. Got a piece of nicotine gum. I’ve had one in my mouth almost constantly since then. I’ve been a smoker since I was 22. Sunday I turned 44. 1.5-2 packs a day. I am truly done. I don’t know if everyone feels this way when they finally quit. But this time, there was no doubt. There was a mental switch. I wasn’t already planning how I could cheat if I needed to. I was just done. It hasn’t been easy. But its over.

    Reply
  11. Ella says

    November 29, 2017 at 3:52 am

    Im almost at the 24 hour mark. And like you I have quit a 100x before. This will be my 101st time. I watched the season finale of my favorite show and bawled like a baby because I love to cry lol. And I love sappy tv shows. But I craved a smoke thru the last 20mins. Realizing it was the last show until new year made me think, im sad. What will I watch now? I need a smoke! And i argued with myself the whole time about this…the struggle is real! Im hoping to make it thru another 24 hours. But im also thinking about that pack of cigs in my purse right now and how to cope with that demon tomorrow morning. Will i leave them at home or will I take them with me? What will I do with myself on my coffee breaks and at lunch now. Im afraid. Im worried that I will feel weak if I give into having one…. This sucks.

    Reply
    • Dave says

      November 15, 2020 at 9:56 am

      Just vape on 6% 3 weeks then 3% for a couple of weeks then 0 you are free to give up vaping if you want to . Its realy that easy

      Reply
  12. Kit-Kat-Kathy says

    November 25, 2017 at 6:17 am

    Hi, I stumbled across your page / blog tonight, after spending the last few days thinking about quitting, AGAIN!! Like so many others, I’ve failed so many times. I want this time to be different! I’m 33, mom of 3 kids ages 12, 8 & 7. I’ve been a smoker since I was 13. I smoke an average of 2 packs a day and have for the last three years. Before that it was about a pack n half or so a day. I feel like wanting to quit and stumbling across your page and reading it and relating to it so well, is just a sign that I am ready. I pick tonight I PICK TONIGHT…. that’s right, I PICK TONIGHT! I am in CONTROL of this. Please wish me luck. I would like to create a blog but don’t know how. I think I will just comment on each on of the days with my days feelings. I hope to meet and talk with others.

    Reply
  13. Steve says

    November 14, 2017 at 7:08 pm

    On day 3 here, don’t know why all caps cant turn off i promise I’m not yelling, lol. But anyway, I’m determined to stop this time and am glad to have stumbled across your videos on YouTube! Toothpicks and gum are helping with my Oral Fixation right now.

    Reply
  14. Stephanie says

    November 2, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    Today is day 1 for me after being a long time smoker and quitting a million times like you and so many others. Today is different though because I’m truly done now. Getting ready to go to Hawaii in three weeks and I’m not going there as a smoker and hang out in front of the hotel with all of the other smokers like I’ve done so many times in the past. This time I’m going to spend more time on the beach and in the water and no time at all hanging out with the smokers and forcing my non-smoking husband to keep me company while I do so. Every hour today, I text my husband to tell him I made it another hour. Thank you so much for this wonderful blog and a place for all of us to find support.

    Reply
  15. Alex says

    October 15, 2017 at 2:38 pm

    Matt, I’m On day 6 cold turkey, 2 packs a day before. Have quit 100 times before, but rarely made it past 24 hours. I can relate to 100% of how you described the chain smoker life and your hate of cigarettes. Last time i quit for 2 years and (as you describe it): my life turned 180 degrees. Back to gym, back to good nutrition, regular sleep, excellence at job. Looking forward to all of this again. But Today is just one big constant craving. Good project Matt!

    Reply
  16. Mary says

    September 10, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Tomorrow will be my first quit day. Sadly, I have done this many times but always had 2 cigaretts to start the day. Not tomorrow. All your Words have encouraged me . Here’s hoping i make it and it’s not too late. I am 67 and have smoked since I was 16. Thanks again.

    Reply
    • Lalena says

      October 15, 2017 at 8:00 pm

      Good luck quitting. It can be done!

      Reply
    • coleen gordon says

      July 1, 2019 at 6:28 am

      Mary congrats woman, it is never to late to quit . I have been smoking for 44 years and am on day 4 lol. Wow what a battle, but not as intense as watching our loved ones die from this disgusting drug. Hate sickeretts.

      Reply
  17. Jeanette says

    June 21, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    I would like to know how long before all the nicotine will be out of my system? I quit for a job interview and full intend to stay smoke free but I am wondering is 10 days enough for it to be out of my system? I need some real answers this job is very important to me and I have read many answers on this subject.

    Thank you,
    Jeanette 🙂

    Reply
    • MateoMateo says

      June 28, 2017 at 12:18 am

      I say it’s around the 3 week mark. I’m sure you’ll read about it being out of your system in a matter of days, but in my opinion, you can still have some massive withdrawal symptoms between the 2 and 3 week stage. Stay strong!

      Reply
      • Karthikeyan says

        August 5, 2020 at 11:33 am

        Hey, I’m already done 30 days. It’s my 32nd day. But i have shortness of breath sometimes, it is possible Or not?. I’m. Really scared

      • MateoMateo says

        August 5, 2020 at 4:22 pm

        Of course me it’s possible. 30 days is just a benchmark. You’ll be facing little things here and there, especially triggers you haven’t faced yet, for up to 6 months. Might only be a once a week occurrence, but you certainly aren’t all in the clear after 30 days. That’s just a benchmark.

  18. JOHN says

    May 19, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    ABSOLUTELY INSPIRING MATEO, THANKS YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!

    I AM ON DAY 6 RIGHT NOW, HAD A 2 PACK A DAY HABIT. I WILL BE READING A LOT MORE OF YOUR POSTS IN THE NEXT COUPLE WEEKS I AM SURE!

    Reply
  19. Olivia says

    May 16, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    Smoking is stopping me from exercising and eating clean because it’s hypocrisy if I am sucking filth all day long. I work from home so triggers are all over the place. My hubby is reluctant to quit so even more triggers. Between the ages of 19 and 45, I’ve dedicated 16 years to smoking and two quits totaling 10 years. I thought I was an expert….the addiction is really nasty. I second the cold turkey way, Allen Carr is a great resource, helped me make the mental switch the second time. I smoked with the patch, Zyban made me feel worse. So yes to killing this demon once and for all. I have nothing to lose, nothing to quit really, and just so much reward to look forward to. Thanks again Matt. I feel supported. Much love

    Reply
  20. roseanna says

    March 20, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    I am on Day 1. OMG I am going crazy from it! The kids don’t help, either. I’ve been chewing gum all day so I can keep my mind off it. But it comes back to me that I need a cig really bad. I’m gonna beat this for me and my kids. My kids ask me “don’t you want to live to see your grandkids?” I said yes. I am only 34 P need to do this and I know god will be with me on this. He is helping me and giving me the power to fight it.

    Reply
    • Kit-Kay-Kathy says

      November 25, 2017 at 6:34 am

      Thinking of you. I am quitting tonight. 34 min of 3 and they worry be like no other. Hope your doing good!!! Hang in there.

      Reply
  21. Rose says

    March 6, 2017 at 6:19 pm

    Thank you so much for these pages. This is the absolute most honest stop smoking page i’ve ever been on. it’s spot on with what is happening and not ‘oh it will only last a minute, walk it off’ kind of way.

    34 year smoker on day 3. long road ahead but this helps a lot.

    Reply
    • MateoMateo says

      March 6, 2017 at 6:28 pm

      Thank you!! That’s what the internet needs though, is real, honest life stories. Please share!

      Reply
      • SUMMER says

        April 8, 2017 at 12:19 am

        So glad I found this!!! I’m 36 and have been smoking since I was 17. I also work in a restaurant! Oh I feel u!!! Thank u for this! I am on day 2, holy lord I feel like I’m going crazy. But it can only get better! And I don’t want to go through the same withdrawals again!

  22. Sin says

    January 25, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    Thank you so much for posting the link to this. I’ve been reading for over an hour now and can relate so much and just reading it is helping. I quit at the BEGINNING of the year and relapsed week 2 then quit for 2 days then relapsed again. I’m hiding it from my boyfriend because he gave me an ultimatum and that just makes me want to keep smoking not stop. I just went and smoked my last cigarette before bed because i know if I wake up and have one it will be another day of smoking. I ran water over the remaining smokes. I’ve never done that. I’ve always finished the pack. I mean why would I waste cigarettes? It felt good. Like I was SAYING no. You’re not in control. I am! You are my inspiration and i needed you and your story at this very moment. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I will be reading and re-reading this over the next few weeks. I know I can do this. I know I am strong enough. I want to live. I want to be a non smoker. I want to be free!

    Reply
    • MateoMateo says

      January 25, 2017 at 6:58 pm

      Thank you so much Sin, that’s amazing to hear from you! Yes, I got cigarettes wet over and over all the time while I was in my depressed, quitting stage. It’s the only way to start fresh. You can’t save cigarettes, your addiction is too powerful for that. You can do it Sin! I believe in you! Perhaps keeping a journal of your own experience might help yourself. It’ll keep you accountable. Keep in touch, and ask questions if you have them!

      Reply

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Hi, my name is Matt, but you can call me Mateo. I am an ex-smoker of 22 years. It's my mission to help you.

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