At the end of tonight, I will officially be over halfway done with this nightmare of physical withdrawal.
Today was much easier than the last 2 days, although allergies hit me hard again. But that’s beside the point.
Things are getting better, and I will admit right now, that when I’m allergy-free, I feel FANTASTIC!
I feel like the king of the world, and no one can stop me.
There were moments at work today when I really did feel that way.
When I was allergy-free, I felt no pain, no withdrawal, no anxiety, and total confidence.
Confidence is a big issue for me, and as an ex-smoker and addict, I really never did feel that confident in myself.
I was always ashamed of being controlled by smoking. I always felt I needed a cigarette in every situation I was in.
I couldn’t eat a meal, walk down the road, drive up the street, have a drink with friends, work in a stressful environment, and relax at home without having a cigarette in my hand.
Sadly, they were my best friend.
They were always there for me, despite killing me slowly.
Are they YOUR best friend?
Your confidence soars!
For me, it’s mainly due to a feeling of accomplishment.
Plus, if I’m not feeling any anxiety, I can feel my own emotions and act on them accordingly.
As a chain smoker, I had no emotions other than thoughts of when I would smoke next.
Now I am beginning to feel like I can somewhat control my emotions and feelings and be in charge of them, instead of the other way around.
Smoking made me a very weak person.
Not weak in the sense of physical strength, but in psychological strength.
Because I was trapped in the arms of nicotine addiction, and a slave to it.
I answered to it.
I certainly was not in charge of my life at all, cigarettes were.
But because I had such high anxiety levels and low self-esteem and confidence, I was unable to be who I really was born to be.
In fact, I still don’t know who I truly am because I’ve been a smoker for my entire adulthood. I don’t know what living a normal non-smoking life is like.
My true self is beginning to shine through with each passing day.
I’m becoming more and more confident. I’m having less and less anxiety. I’m not living inside a shell of a body anymore.
I’m beginning to take control of my life the way I was meant to be. That’s a big one.
I really was a slave to nicotine, and my entire life revolved around it.
The hardest part of today were the thoughts of loneliness, in regards to “losing a best friend.”
It’s been so long now, that I’ve forgotten really what it felt like the day before I quit.
Of course I felt awful, but nicotine is playing mind games with me and trying to make me “miss” smoking, as if it was the greatest thing on earth.
“Just one won’t hurt you. A drag is not going to send you back to square one. Just smoke a couple, and then quit forever tomorrow.”
THAT is what’s going through my head.
But these thoughts aren’t consistant all the time anymore. They come and go like the wind.
Day 1 was an absolute killer. Almost every thought during every minute of the day had to do with smoking.
About half my day now is not spent obsessing over cigarettes. Of course I think about them, and I probably will for a very long time, but it’s not nearly as bad as that first week.
There was a bad day not too long ago, though, so I shouldn’t feel like bad days won’t happen again.
I’m over halfway done now with this nightmare. That’s quite an accomplishment in itself.
10 days ago I was a miserable human being, who hated life, hated my apartment, hated my looks, my financial situation, my future, and everything in between.
Now it’s a total 180 degrees. I love everything now.
Life is wonderful.
Yes, allergies are horrible right now, but having allergies aren’t a choice. You don’t choose to sneeze all day long. It’s genetic and where you live that causes those problems.
Cigarette addiction, though, IS a choice.
That is something you psychologically want to do, or give in to do.
Mind over matter.
You have to have the right mindset in order to successfully quit smoking.
I’m completely ready, so I’m willing to do whatever it takes emotionally in order to stay quit.
People who aren’t quite ready are the ones who will relapse over and over, just like I did for many years.
You have to be absolutely ready to stop. There is no other way to go about it.