Day 25

Today was another fantastic day!

The sun was shining, I felt great, I looked great, I ate healthy, I had no anxiety, and everything was just going superb. I can’t really find any faults about it at all.

If I could repeat today forever and ever, I would! That’s how great today was for me.

I will say, however, that because I’m feeling so great and so wonderful about everything, that leads my mind to want to “celebrate” my new happiness.

In the past, whenever I wanted to celebrate a moment in my life: a happy thought or vision, an event like a birthday or holiday, or achieving a certain goal, it has always lead to smoking.

The opposite is true also.

When I was upset about something: work not going well, missing the bus, losing all my money in a slot machine, or even stubbing my toe, it resulted in lighting up a cigarette.

I was conditioned to smoke when I was angry.

What does this mean?

It means I was smoking a lot and giving any excuse to light up. Nicotine was in control, not me.

Today, however, I was in complete control of myself.

There was no freaking out, no sweats, no anxieties over when the next cigarette would be, no running to the bar to drink after work.

For once in my life, I did what I wanted to do. That’s huge in my world. I didn’t always have that.

When I was a smoker, I had no options.

In my mind, as long as I was leading that lifestyle, it was virtually impossible to even try to lead a healthier one, because nicotine would prevent it.

If I thought I should be going to the gym, I’d go and leave almost immediately because I didn’t want to be there. I just wanted to be at home chain smoking. That’s how bad it was.

My friends always told me I could do whatever I wanted if I just put my mind to it, but they didn’t quite understand how truly addicted I was.

No I couldn’t do anything I wanted.

Maybe I could attempt it, but nicotine would always have its way.

There was no running, because I was out of shape. There was no gym, because I was too lazy and I’d rather be drinking and chain smoking the night away.

There were no healthy meals, because I was so unhealthy already that food became a means of survival, not an energy source.

I ate pizza and TV dinners most of the time.

I was accused of being anti-social, even though deep down I knew that wasn’t true.

My addiction had a hold of me, and when I should’ve been hanging out with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I was hanging out ALONE at the bar smoking, drinking, and gambling away all my sorrows.

But, I was stuck in that mindset, even though I knew 100% that what I was doing was bad for me. I was trapped in my addiction.

I also knew that once I quit, my life would turn around for the better and everything would fall into place and I’d be happy again.

So why didn’t I do this years and years ago?

Again, I was trapped in my addiction. I was convinced time and time again to smoke one more night and jump on the bandwagon the next day.

Of course I replayed that event over and over for about 5 years.

I would have patches here and there when I would quit for a number of weeks, but an event in which I wanted to “celebrate” always came back to haunt me.

I was completely wrong!

Don’t ever smoke just one and think you’ll be OK. You won’t. You’ll be right back up to a pack a day in a matter of hours. Don’t be fooled!

Nicotine is more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

But those times of “celebration” are becoming less and less controlled by nicotine and more controlled by ME.

Whenever I get a thought in my mind, I take a look around and think about what I’ve accomplished since I’ve quit, and taking just one drag would destroy all that and send me right back to square one. I am never going to go through that again.

It was rough at the beginning, but with how I feel now, it was well worth it.

I am very happy with myself as a non-smoker.