Today was another fantastic day!
The sun was shining, I felt great, I looked great, I ate healthy, I had no anxiety, and everything was just going superb. I can’t really find any faults about it at all.
If I could repeat today forever and ever, I would! That’s how great today was for me.
I will say, however, that because I’m feeling so great and so wonderful about everything, that leads my mind to want to “celebrate” my new happiness.
In the past, whenever I wanted to celebrate a moment in my life: a happy thought or vision, an event like a birthday or holiday, or achieving a certain goal, it has always lead to smoking.
The opposite is true also.
When I was upset about something: work not going well, missing the bus, losing all my money in a slot machine, or even stubbing my toe, it resulted in lighting up a cigarette.
I was conditioned to smoke when I was angry.
What does this mean?
It means I was smoking a lot and giving any excuse to light up. Nicotine was in control, not me.
Today, however, I was in complete control of myself.
There was no freaking out, no sweats, no anxieties over when the next cigarette would be, no running to the bar to drink after work.
For once in my life, I did what I wanted to do. That’s huge in my world. I didn’t always have that.
When I was a smoker, I had no options.
In my mind, as long as I was leading that lifestyle, it was virtually impossible to even try to lead a healthier one, because nicotine would prevent it.
If I thought I should be going to the gym, I’d go and leave almost immediately because I didn’t want to be there. I just wanted to be at home chain smoking. That’s how bad it was.
My friends always told me I could do whatever I wanted if I just put my mind to it, but they didn’t quite understand how truly addicted I was.
No I couldn’t do anything I wanted.
Maybe I could attempt it, but nicotine would always have its way.
There was no running, because I was out of shape. There was no gym, because I was too lazy and I’d rather be drinking and chain smoking the night away.
There were no healthy meals, because I was so unhealthy already that food became a means of survival, not an energy source.
I ate pizza and TV dinners most of the time.
I was accused of being anti-social, even though deep down I knew that wasn’t true.
My addiction had a hold of me, and when I should’ve been hanging out with friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I was hanging out ALONE at the bar smoking, drinking, and gambling away all my sorrows.
But, I was stuck in that mindset, even though I knew 100% that what I was doing was bad for me. I was trapped in my addiction.
I also knew that once I quit, my life would turn around for the better and everything would fall into place and I’d be happy again.
So why didn’t I do this years and years ago?
Again, I was trapped in my addiction. I was convinced time and time again to smoke one more night and jump on the bandwagon the next day.
Of course I replayed that event over and over for about 5 years.
I would have patches here and there when I would quit for a number of weeks, but an event in which I wanted to “celebrate” always came back to haunt me.
I was completely wrong!
Don’t ever smoke just one and think you’ll be OK. You won’t. You’ll be right back up to a pack a day in a matter of hours. Don’t be fooled!
Nicotine is more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
But those times of “celebration” are becoming less and less controlled by nicotine and more controlled by ME.
Whenever I get a thought in my mind, I take a look around and think about what I’ve accomplished since I’ve quit, and taking just one drag would destroy all that and send me right back to square one. I am never going to go through that again.
It was rough at the beginning, but with how I feel now, it was well worth it.
I am very happy with myself as a non-smoker.
i’ll be on day 25 tmrw and hope for a response. my husband found Mateo’s blog in september 2021 right before he had a lobectomy for stage one lung cancer. he has nearly four months as a non smoker and he is now cancer free. i’m using NRT and my current goal is 30 days after i get to day 25 (and I will!) But every day I find myself plotting when I can buy a pack and just smoke again. even tho i’m excited about so many benefits of being smoke free, i’m just not yet committed for me – but i wish i was. i’m nervous about getting to day 31 and there’s no more daily blogs. Laura Jay
Well you have to understand that you are plotting because you are giving yourself nicotine, the drug you are addicted to, everyday thru that NRT. You need to go cold turkey from them.
I quit the daily blogs after Day 30 cuz the cravings were so few and far between that’s it’s only every once in a while after that. But that’s after 30 days of no nicotine, not an NRT.
Quitting isn’t easy. If it was everyone would quit. It has to be your #1 priority, especially with your husbands condition.
But trust me, I haven’t smoked for almost 6 years now and I just can’t imagine ever going back. I never think about it. Get to that point. I believe you can do it.
Thank you Mateo, and thank you to everyone who has posted. I am on D28 of freedom from inhaling toxins via cigarettes! I have distraction tools. I have a group of support ppl (this group) i can re-read when i go off the patch. we are doing a family trip to cancun this year and my plan is to remain smoke free one day at a time for that trip. that’s another goal i set for myself. i am very happy i’ve stayed the course this far. some especially meaningful posts i copied into my journal or screen shotted like “change the pattern in my brain” and “learn to love the crave, let it come and go” from sean and asg. “The finish line is more important than relapsing” and …i’m tired of tuesday being day one or day two instead of day 28 or 35… plus i’m only three months behind hubby and when he has six years i want to have that too!
Wow huge congratulations to you! Awesome job well done.
25 th day has been 7 days since the last nicotine gum and has been 25 days since the last cigarette feeling okay and awesome.
25 days in this is my second quit, first time was 8 years and then I fell into the trap of just one so here I am 4 years later quitting again. This time the quit is worse but it is getting better. Believe it or not I ran 5 half marathons during my 8 year quit and still I fell into the addiction. My advice ride it out and never smoke again by staying alert to the triggers. Good luck all.
I have also completed 25 days after I smoked the last cigarette. Iam feeling stomach cramps, gas and always an urge to clear up. I do not know as to how long these will take to go off.
Rajiv, just hit day 25 been a nightmare day. Can’t sit still and stomach feels knotted. Can’t stop thinking about just having one. But fighting it, but oh boy oh boy been a long 25 days. It would be good to know how many more days / weeks it will take to fight this
Amen to that. I hear you.
Day 25 here too. Went to a funeral for my friend today who committed suicide. Was super emotional and didnt smoke over it. I didn’t even think about it until someone walked past me who had just gone out for a smoke. It smelled terrible and I felt pity for them that they had no choice but to smoke. I have a choice when the feeling strikes and choose not to. Still having night sweats and a little insomnia but that’s about it. Haven’t gained any weight yet either! I feel really empowered having made it this far and through today! Keep up the quit everyone!!!!
That’s empowering
25 days for me and starting to feel really great! My breathing was worrying me last week and it was tempting me to smoke. Now i am starting to relax and every minute I realise what a massive accomplishment this is.
This is 25 days for me. I’ve been smoking for years and years and years and the truth is I was scared to death to quit. I don’t even know why but as of 25 days after quitting I feel pretty good. I didn’t think I’d ever make it this far. It’s quite the accomplishment for me.
I still have cravings or feelings of missing it, but nowhere near like it was in the beginning. I just have to keep going day after day after day and take it one at a time.
Presently, I haven’t gained that much weight. I think I gained about 20 pounds by now, but I’m good. I put on about 4 which is a lot easier to lose than 20 but I work on that later. One ADDICTION at a time. Still haven’t figured out how to celebrate yet but I guess I’ll figure it out.