I’m feeling much better than the last two nights. My breathing is not 100% better by any means, but compared to last night and the night before, I’m a whole new person.
That was just horrible!
48 hours of a massive asthma attack all because I ran on the treadmill for 15 minutes.
How insane is that?
It’s a shame I had to call in sick to work yesterday and miss all that money, but there was no way I could physically do it. People probably assume I was sick, but an asthma attack is much different.
I’m still not totally convinced either way whether is was an asthma attack or bronchitis, but it was deadly either way.
I don’t want to experience that ever again.
If anyone would’ve saw me, or checked in on me, they would’ve driven me straight to the emergency room. That’s how bad off I was.
Not really feeling any physical symptoms today, though there was a moment when I was mentally triggered.
I was going through my dating apps on my phone and I stumbled across someone I hadn’t seen in a long time. Of course the last time I saw this person, I was a smoker, so by association, just seeing the picture made me instinctively crave a cigarette.
The craving didn’t last very long, maybe a minute or two at the most. It was easy to get over, because I’ve gone so far already.
Triggers are a weird thing.
They can catch you off guard at anytime, or any place.
If you succeed, you’ll be fine with every encounter thereafter. You won’t be triggered to smoke if you already made it through the moment last time and made it.
It might take a couple times, though.
For example, in the beginning, you’ll quickly learn how to eat and not smoke afterwards.
The first meal will be hard, as you’ll be insanely craving a cigarette, but every meal after that won’t be an issue, because you made it past that first meal successfully.
That can be said for every trigger. You just have to face them and deal with it.
As for today, it feels like eternity since I last lit up. If I had one right now, it would feel so awkward.
I would know right away I shouldn’t be doing it.
Tomorrow is the day!
Tomorrow is my milestone of 3 weeks.
Really though, I haven’t gone this far in over a year. 20 days without anything!
When I think of all the stuff I’ve accomplished over these last 3 weeks, it’s astounding!
My life is completely different.
Well, not my daily work life, but my night life sure is different. I’m not chain smoking and getting wasted at a bar every night.
I can’t believe I did that for so long. I did that for basically 4 years straight!
It’s extremely hard and challenging, each and every day.
Sure some days are easy, but as you have seen just by reading my daily entries, some days are just absolutely horrible.
But you have to do whatever it takes to make it to the next day. That’s ultimately the most important thing.
You have to set definite priorities, and if quitting smoking is NOT at the top of your list, you’ll relapse.
Simple as that.
It’s not completely over yet, as my gut instinct tells me so.
I’m slightly worried about that, but that’s precisely why I need to focus harder than I’ve ever focused in my life.
This is the LAST time I’m quitting!
I will not go through all this pain and start all the way over again, just for a simple drag, or for a fun night out.
I’m way too invested in this now, and I know my life will become extraordinary, and better than I can possible imagine.
I’m seeing glimpses more and more as each day progresses.
This is what life is all about! It’s about feeling great and loving yourself.