Today started out so promising. I woke up feeling the best I’ve felt in a very long time.
I physically felt fantastic, my breathing was superb, there were no withdrawal symptoms, and I couldn’t wait to get my day going because I had so many things planned.
The biggest thing I had planned was going to the gym after a very long hiatus.
In all honesty, before today, I hadn’t gone to the gym all year long.
You see, when I was a smoker, all I wanted to do was smoke and be lazy, and watch TV all night, or sit in front of my computer.
There was no activity in my life.
There were no runs in the park, lifting weights, going to the gym, or anything of that nature.
As a smoker, I was too concentrated on scenarios in which I could smoke freely.
It’s partly a mindset issue.
When I was a smoker, I felt lazy. I didn’t have any mental energy to want to go do anything.
I felt I didn’t belong at the gym. I felt that if I did go, I would just leave right away (or soon after) because I wanted a cigarette. That’s how bad it was.
I told them I couldn’t, because I’ll convince myself not to go when the time was right.
And even if I did go, I’d leave right away, or be lazy and not do very much while I was there. It was rather pointless.
As soon as I started going again and stepped inside the doors, I knew I was at home.
The gym has always been my 2nd home (when I did go).
I missed that feeling, and it was so refreshing to feel that again.
I totally recommend the gym to anyone.
I ran for 15 minutes on the treadmill, which was nice because I LOVE running! I love just zoning out and thinking about life.
But here is where it gets tricky.
After the 15 minutes were over, I got a little wheezy. I went downstairs to stretch out, and do some other exercises, and the wheezing continued.
It became so bad, I left after 45 minutes, which isn’t bad for a first workout, but that’s beside the point.
By the time I got home, my stomach was distended again (just like last week), and I could barely breathe.
I’ve pretty much concluded that I have asthma, because I did some research, and the symptoms are the same.
It had gone away the last couple of days (but not entirely), but now it’s back 100%, and possibly worse than before.
I went and tried to go buy an asthma inhaler from the store, and the clerk said that they are no longer on the market, and that you need a prescription to get one.
That is so absurd!
How am I supposed to get better and breathe? It’s 11:30 at night, what am I supposed to do? Go to the emergency room?
It makes me very angry.
Here I am sitting here miserable, and I can’t do anything about it, and it’s all because of smoking. You know how much that upsets me?
I could kill cigarettes.
They have destroyed my life, and I will NEVER smoke a cigarette ever again.
All that coughing really hurts!
As far as withdrawal goes, there is none. I had some moments earlier in the day when I was feeling great, but ever since the gym, I’ve had none.
That’s because I can’t breathe, so I can’t crave cigarettes at the same time, as my body is too concentrated on coughing out my lungs right now.
I almost wish I DID feel withdrawal, because that means I wouldn’t be feeling this horrid asthma attack and not being able to breathe.
It’s the worst feeling in the world.
Hopefully I can get some sleep tonight, because I have a big work day tomorrow, and I need all the rest I can get.