Today was definitely harder than the last couple days.
I felt some pain in my throat and lungs for a good 30 minutes or so. I knew immediately what it was, and was somewhat shocked by it, because it had been so long since I quit.
But that is the power of nicotine right there! I’m still feeling it.
But that wasn’t the hardest part.
Now that the physical is basically over with, but not over yet, the next stage is overcoming the psychological addiction.
It seemed like all day long I was thinking about the past.
I was thinking about how easy life used to be 10 years ago when everything was so fresh and new. I didn’t have a care in the world.
All I wanted to do was have a good time with friends.
Every song I listened to reminded me of being young and full of life.
There is a part of me that always wants to relive those moments, and hold onto them and never let go.
Of course all these thoughts and feelings associated with the past involve smoking cigarettes.
Nicotine tries to make me depressed that I’m not living those moments again, and that I’m not who I used to be.
I know it’s all a big lie, but it’s still easy to get caught up in the moment.
I do miss those old days.
I do miss being a free spirit. I do miss not having a care in the world. Yes, those days are long gone, but I do miss them.
Smoking, however, I DO NOT MISS.
That is what nicotine wants me to believe, and that is not what I’m going to do.
I smoked a lot when I was younger, and most of it I did not enjoy. There is no way I would want to go back to those times again.
Depression is a hard thing to get over when you stop. I’m dealing with it right now.
There are so many things I miss about my past, and nicotine is reminding me about every bit of it.
It’s quite annoying!
I don’t want to feel depressed. I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on life, or that I didn’t do enough things in my youth.
I should be living in the moment, and for myself today.
I want to acknowledge, though, that my breathing problems have pretty much vanished. I can breathe perfectly normal now, and it gets better with each passing day.
My energy is definitely up, as I worked all day long without a break and didn’t skip a beat.
Had I been a smoker, I probably would’ve taken a 2-hour break, and I’m not joking.
Sleeping is amazing, I’ve been having wonderful dreams, and getting plenty of rest.
I wake up BEFORE my alarm every morning as if I don’t even need it anymore.
I have to remember that the main thing my early adulthood gave me was an addiction to cigarettes.
That’s not something I want to relive, now is it? That’s not something I should look back on and think happy thoughts about.
I’m stuck in this position right now because I made such foolish decisions.
If I wasn’t so stupid, who knows where I would be right now?
I could be living in an entirely different city, and working in an entirely different field.
My whole life would be different if I had never started smoking. My whole life from now on will be different because I will never go back to it.
I quit, and I quit for good.
THIS is my new life, and I’m proud of it.
Day 17, feeling better. Gave up lozenges after 10 years and gave up cocodamol at the same time. I know your posts are quite old now but it has helped me immensely. I swear what you wrote today , you copied from my head.
I’m glad they are old. That means more time has passed since I quit.
Thanks for reply.I’ve reread what I wrote. I think the “old “ comment is not quite what I meant . Sorry. Lots of sites around saying do this and do that, you site/Diary has helped push me through on the days I wanted to give in . I am very grateful for your effort. I am never going back, it’s done , and the worst is over. Feeling stronger everyday . Thank you . You have helped me enormously .
I’m not bothered by the old comment. The only thing I can do to change it is to start smoking again. And that’s the last thing I would ever do. Good luck man!
Day 17 I’m not sleeping and my anxiety is terrible. I wake up every morning feeling terrified! Any advice?
Day 17 here. I have been doing well but this morning my chest feels like I smoked yesterday if that makes sense. It just doesn’t feel clear??? I also keep thinking about the past today and just jumpy and anxious. You would think the longer we go without smoking the easier it would be but for some reason there are days I don’t think of smoking that was easy and then bam next day hard as can be then some easy days…and so forth. It’s so weird. That nicotine monster likes to creep up on you doesnt it? Today is hard but I’ve come so far and want this quit to last forever. Good luck everyone
Thanks so much for this blog Mateo. I’m on day 17 and I’m wondering about the CBD I smoke every morning for my joint pain. I’m 51 and smoked about a pack on and off for 26 years. Is this CBD a crutch that I should eliminate too? It’s one each morning with about 5 puffs. Not a full sized joint. I started it a few years ago when it became legal in my state and has really helped me cut back on painkillers for migraines and such. The liquid never quite worked. I’m thinking it won’t matter once I’m not addicted to nicotine.
I feel the samebway.My 17th day has really been hard.My throat feels weird like junk is in it. Any suggestions
Jennifer M says
Day 17…! Congratulations to me! Been smoking for 37 year at 1-2 packs per day. I quit once for a year on the Nicorette gum but then couldn’t get off that. Quit another time for 2.5 month using Chantix, but when the Chantix was gone, I caved and started smoking again.
I’m on Chantix again now and feel much more determined this time around to succeed. Had a family tragedy a few days ago; still no smokes, so this time I can do it for sure.
Days 1-6 were absolutely horrible with the usual irritability, sleep deprivation and shear exhaustion all day that I could just fall on my face, trying to decipher hunger from cravings, and sudden outbursts of anger. Days 7-12 were pretty good. Still feeling exhausted, but overall mood is positive; I’m back to singing in the car, wanting to look good everyday, breathing so much, eating only healthy foods, drinking about 3 liters of water per day, deep breathing, and rode about 12 total miles on my bike. Days 13-16 were horrible. Had a family tragedy; the TRUE TEST OF MY WILL POWER! I made it through so far and feel ever-so confident that I can get through anything now and NOT SMOKE! No excuse is good enough to light up, it will only make a bad situation worse, I will have major regret! It still crosses my mind every day, especially during times of stress, but once and for all, I AM DONE SMOKING! Just develop the mindset that, “SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION”!
I will continue to read the daily blogs. They have tremendously. Thank you and good luck to all…!
Day 17 no nicotine and I just feel tired and SAD! Like something is missing in my life… but I’m not giving up on my giving up
Another good day today. In all honesty I’ve hardly thought about smoking today, probably because I’ve kept myself busy for most of the day. I even had a couple of beers tonight and I did just fine.
I’m still keeping my guard up though and I will win!
bro don’t want to bring you down but you obviously got raised in an abusive environment where you developed predisposition to addiction due to emotional abuse from your father / mother, or absence of them. Your life would have been the same if you smoked or if you didn’t.
Of course, smoking gave you some more anxiety etc., but think about how u were before smoking in your high school days.
Jay Clark says
Hi everyone day 17 for me today. I quit cold Turkey. Been reading this blog everyday since day 4 I believe, i think i left my last comment on this blog on day 5.
My hardest days so far have been days 3/7/ and 11.
Since quitting I have taken up forest walking every few days for hours at a time and it really helps. I do still get cravings from time to time but not half as much as I did during that 1st week or so. I’m at the point now where I would have to say my hardest parts of the day are 1st thing in the mornings whilst having my morning coffee. Iv noticed stress is my biggest trigger.. the slightest little bit of annoyance and BANG in comes a craving to puff in my brain. I’m a still a bit hypersensitive and getting annoyed easily in situations but soldiering on. I suffer with slight asthma but over the past year my breathing has gotten worse and took a nose dive and iv some how developed this night time conditioning called
It’s when you lie down in bed in a normal horizontal position and within a 3-4 minutes your lungs dont get enough air and you feel this drowning sensation in your lungs so you have to prop your head up on an extra pillow so that your head is positioned above your chest and it goes away.. well I was doing that for a good 6 months or so and getting away with it but it started getting to the point of that extra pillow just wasnt cutting it anymore and I had to sleep completely sat up in the the most uncomfortable position every night and I would get back ache and i couldnt get off to sleep for hours and hours on end, I would dread going to bed every night as I knew what was in store for me.. this went on for about 6 months, the last 2 months of that started getting really bad… that was my scare and all the will power and final kick up the arse I needed to quit smoking for good. I’m only 30 years old. Since quitting cold Turkey 17 days ago my general everyday breathing has done a full 180 and got tons better and therefore so has my quality of everyday life, I’m so much happier at the moment.
And as for the night times I’m iv been able to get back to normal and sleep without having to prop myself up on loads of pillows and sleep normally again so I’m very happy with this. Every now and again I am still experiencing this
Orthopneoa condition when led down at night but i believe its definitely getting better and not half as bad since quitting smoking.
Just wanna say a big shout out to Mateo for starting this blog, and also thankyou to everyone who has posted they’re experiences on this blog it’s been extremely helpful and a great will power tool. Good luck and all the best in all of your journeys and well done for making it this far, keep up the good fight!
Mark Hassall says
Blog is such a great tool. All I’m thinking now is having to go back to day 1 posts if I have a cig. Imagine that feeling. Starting all over again. It’s black or white. There’s no middle ground. You guys think the same and we will all overcome this. We can do it!!
I’m on day 17… still feel lethargic…want to sleep all day every day so far…I still cant imagine being happy without cigarettes…I live alone and normally I love it.. I have been a light smoker for the most part since I was 11 years old and I am now 64… I have tried to quit so many times and have at least figured out that cold turkey is the only way to go for me… day 4 was crazy and now I feel like I cant concentrate, my thoughts are all jumbled and basically cant organize a bath. Constipation has become an issue and unfortunately I dont feel like eating well…I always reach for the quick and easy open a bag snack food…nothing tastes good, even chocolate tastes funny to me . I am bloated, depressed and scattered all the time…I am going to be a grandmother in 2021 and I dont want to be a smoking granny…honestly my life gets turned upside down when I quit…what a toxic, addictive drug nicotine is. I am sharing this because I want to keep it real with all the people that will read this…it is not easy to quit, but this site has been great to read every day as i tick off another day with no cigarettes…thanks to all of you for sharing your feelings and also to Mateo for creating this forum
Keep going! And always keep it real. That’s the only way to be. You’ll eventually be extremely ecstatic without cigarettes. It’s coming, almost there, but not quite. Keep up the great work.
As I see from comments day 17 was not easy for many others, not onloy me. Although evil, huge cravings have subsided, but psychological sadness – reality without hit of nicotine – still seems looming. They say that the third week is tought week, but the battle is mainly psychological. And gosh, I don’t want to ruin my recovery with smoking. That would mean to go through first 3 days again. I did it couple of times, do not want to repeat it. So, no, today I say no to cigarettes.
Danielle Weir says
ive been having chest pains on and off all day , ive spent time resting and took a good 2 hours around the cemetry close to where i live .
had a beautiful walk w the tombs and imagined what there life was like
stating back to early early 1600 – 1900
than i had some good conversation
that lasted awhile
they all.smoke and it was awesome
that i didnt smoke nor did anyone smoke.around me
now just for my boyfriend not to light up all the time since hes still used to me smoking lol hes such a gr8 sport 🙂
my tips xo
jon mitchell says
Weird. I too am on day 17 and absolutely same experience.
Thanks you people helped me so much, I quit smoking 17 days ago , Every time I wake up in the middle of the night I have to come here , day by day thinking tomorrow will be a better day, I feel much better and thanks for be here for me ❤️❤️
Today is #17 no smoking day. I am using Chantix but this day has been rough. I am so gripy that I can’t stand myself. I will not give in. I smoked for over 40 yrs, quitting for periods but going back to smoking. Not this time
Hi again. I’ve reached day 17. I still have cravings sometimes nut not nearly as much or as strong as before. I’m taking 200 mg of welbutrin a day to help with the withdrawal. I really wish I could sleep through the night, but hot flashes wake me up practically every hour on the hour, because I’m also going through early surgical menopause. I’m going to hang in there though.
but not nearly… Lol
On day 17 and feel like every day will be the day I lose the battle. Foggy headache, cough, and sore throat today. Yesterday hard– today hard. Stress is such a trigger! Up 12 pounds too
Keep going dB you will get there day 27 for me I had a shocker but no cigs happy days
I hear you. I was hoping to feel better than I do after 17 days. Thanks for posting.
Brian Ogershok says
Hope everything has been going good since June. 3 months later? How is it? I believe in everyone on this page. I am on day 17. I had an anxiety attack last all day today. I couldn’t breathe. I never sat down. I felt like I was speeding all day. This is a reoccurring issue for me. 13 years out of a pipe. Quit cold turkey. I am 24y/o
No patches, no gum, decided halfway through a cigarette that I didn’t want to live this life anymore. I put it out and threw it away. Kept the pack to remind me that it’s there, and I refuse to smoke it. It’s been a great help honestly. Being there, but not craving it.
These symptoms are kicking my ass though. I JUST WANT TO BREATHE lime I was 3 weeks ago. I was fine. Now I am struggling to find air.
I.am on day 17…also…sore throat. Headache. Nose blocked. But going strong
I’m on day 17 and i found that taking black seed oil has helped me tremendously.. to be honest I forgot that a was an ex smoker.. my breathing is so much better and I have no craving at all… my skin is glowing, my sex drive has reached an all time high in 30 years, energy is through the roof, I smell so good…lol, the best I felt in years.. I tried to stop smoking 2 years ago and fell miserably…the craving was kicking my butt but this black seed oil has helped me so much…good luck to you all!!
John Kotrides says
Day 17 for me and unfortunately still feels like day 1 in terms of feeling withdrawal all day long (not 2-3 minute cravings that everyone is describing) but a tight chest yearning for a cigarette all day long without so much as a minute of relief. Had 0 problems breathing while smoking and haven’t had a decent breath since quitting. Not going back – just wish my quit was like so many others I read about.
Danielle Weir says
hello john , have you tried taking a bowl of hot water , placing a towel over the bowl and breathing in the steam . its an amazing way too
get thru these hard crap days….or an entire steam room , swimming and water help 🙂
keep up the amazing work
youll be breathing in no time
mine hasnt been easy mine is like yours most of all. ur not alone.
im dealing w all what u r even right now
writing and sitting outside is helping me ….good luck bud !
Day 17. Doing well. Definitely hit the phase of smoking is no longer a part of my life, think about it minimal. It right now drinking some Tito’s and just want to do some self destructions. Tito’s some Juul pods and maybe a Klonopon would do it. Not a addict or partygoer so to speak but just sometimes want to forget the world if that makes sense. Anyway, the Tito’s will flow but the smoke won’t because i will want it tomorrow. Smoking is like crack. Seriously, it’s like crack. I don’t know any other drug that gives you the shortest of head buzz and then a little relaxation followed by a circle of never ending withdrawal and feeding the addiction and he’ll on earth to quite. You don’t trip, your not euphoric unless you are smoking after a long quit, you aren’t more confident, just a neurotic addictive. Like I said. Nicotene and crack. Cheers everyone. Stay strong. Day 17 feels like I’m fighting a little kids in a street fight vs smoking vs day 1-10 which felt like I was fighting a army. It gets easier very quickly. I promise you. And sometimes it gets easier just when you feel like you can’t have anymore. Stay the course. This drug sucks.
Dave K says
Day 14 smoke free quit cold turkey after 40 years of smoking. Deft first 5 days were the worst with shakes,insomnia and constipation, drinking tons of water and exercising 1 hour a day had helped tons. Reading this blog has helped me get this far keep posting your feelings it helps
Up and go says
Day 17. It’s like groundhog day. Every single night I wake up 2-3 times remembering that I don’t smoke. Lately I also have to add smoking dreams in between, where I think it’s totally real and that I screwed up. But when I wake up for the nth time, Im not even happy it was just a dream, Im just annoyed I cant smoke. I guess there’s a bit of depression mixed in all of this. I miss it. Im still in that place where I think moments are not “complete” without a cig, and neither am I. I’ve joined the gym, go running, have lost weight, skin looks like a baby, I smell great.. and somehow I manage to suck the importance out of all of this and still miss smoking. Wtf
coleen gordon says
Wow this is a roller coaster ride for sure, good and bad days shifting like crazy .I must say I almost gave up a few days back as I just felt so depressed like I may never be happy again WOW that was scary. Day 16 was the best day I have had so far, went out and watched a baseball tourney all day. Didn’t even think about smoking, was a great day. Today #17 coughing, restless and tired so a weird combination.
Hey so am on D 17 idk if am having cravings or if am just missing the fact of going outside to sit an smoke but am holding on to the thoughts of am doing so much good to my body by not smoking I even joined a gym am so loving the smoke free me
So thankful for your blog & the chance it gives us to also share our ups & downs as we courageously quit one of the most addictive habits that exists.I’m on day 17 & It is getting easier, but my moods sure are persistently swinging.I feel aggrievated at the least little thing & I hate that!My cravings seem better, but I feel fragile.Thanks everyone for sharing your journeys & many blessings.
Heather G says
Day 17 cold turkey here. I’m 48 years old and smoked a pack of Camel or Marlboro’s a day for 30 years. No real cravings anymore just passing thoughts, which is great! The night sweats and sleep disturbance are the only things I’m dealing with at this point. Smoking isn’t a necessity, if I did it now it would definitely be a choice. With a pack costing $11.50 I’m not making that choice today! We have this Nicotine addiction under control now and it feels empowering!! Keep on keepin’ on! One day at a time is all we have.
Barbara. Kenyan living in Dubai. says
I’m on day 17 as well. Been coming here since day 1 but this is my first comment. I found days 3, 7 and 15 to be the toughest yet. I have nicotine patches with me but I only use them when a craving gets unbearable and seems to be too persistent for my liking. This blog is currently my best friend to be honest. I don’t feel so alone anymore, I come here and everyone seems to be speaking my mind. YES,WE CAN. WE HAVE TO!
Alexa C says
Day 17 today. It’s been a challenge, D15 was the worst, had to hang on, D16 wasn’t too much better,
I find drinking ice water through a straw helps me with the oral part. I spend a lot of time on YouTube watching the effects of smoking, that kill any craves
My biggest problems are insomnia, headaches and pains in the lungs, back and even have had eye pain
Since the toxins effect every part of our bodies, I guess that’s part of my body detoxing
Let’s see what day 17 brings
On day 17, so freaking tired! At work and have literally nearly fallen asleep a few times. It’s like I’ve taken a sleeping pill. I think my body is still not used to no nicotine. Gonna have a strong cup of coffee. Just remember, any nicotine and you are basically back to square 1!
Tara ann Warren says
Love this thank you! I am on day 17 have not even left the house and having tons of cravings. I know it’s going to be okay. Tomorrow will be better.
Leighanne delk says
I am on day 17 and the cravings are getting worse for me. I am scared to leave the house or go out with friends. I keep telling myself I just have to get to week three for the nicotine to get out of my system.
Keep going! The next day might be super easy, but you have to make it there first!
Mark stevens says
I’m on day 17 and yesterday was the hardest day yet. I too felt depressed and the urge was as intense as the first week. I felt like maybe i’m meant to be a smoker because MENTALLY it seams like my life isn’t ENJOYABLE anymore.
Yeah. I feel that way today day 17. Like why am I volunteering to feel depressed when I don’t have to. I just hope this feeling goes away soon.
Alex iRan says
I am on my day 17. Day 16 Was the hardest so far. I felt despressed. Cravings are becoming stronger, but Last shorter.
Really glad you posted this diary. Your viewpoints are very similar to mine. I feel like I have a close friend going through this right along with me.