Today was another day filled with intense physical withdrawal. Where one day everything seems to be going perfect, the next is a total nightmare.
I swear every time I have a night off from work I sit at home and obsess about smoking, over and over until I’m literally almost out the door.
Luckily, I made it once again.
Tonight was one of those “body shutting down” types of nights. I’m having trouble breathing, my stomach is distended, and I’m wheezing.
Yesterday was fine, but today is the exact opposite.
A few hours ago I was literally obsessing over relapsing.
I thought, “well, I’ve made it this far, I can make it this far again. My parents are coming in 3 weeks, I can smoke tonight and jump right back on the bandwagon tomorrow and have 3 full weeks to quit.”
This is what was going through my mind.
That’s how nicotine normally gets you.
It finds loopholes in your everyday life. It makes you believe you should be doing other things, and to do those other things involves smoking.
Nicotine never admits it’s the root cause of all my pain and sorrow.
But, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
It’s just one gigantic lie, day after day.
No, I don’t need to smoke to enjoy my favorite TV show. No, I don’t need to smoke to celebrate feeling better everyday.
No, I don’t need to smoke for an hour or two before bed, and then quit tomorrow.
No, I don’t need to smoke right now because I might want to in a month down the road when I’m on vacation.
It’s all just lies!
It’s just mind games, and nicotine is to blame.
Breathing problems are awful, though. I can’t explain why my stomach is distended and sticking out right now, but it is.
I have definite shortness of breath, and I’m wheezing. I feel like I need an inhaler to open up my lungs.
Sadly, I don’t have one, so I have to suffer for the remainder of the night.
About 7 years ago I got bronchitis, and it was cigarette’s fault.
I literally took myself to the emergency room because I could barely breathe. It was much worse before than it is now, although now is pretty bad as well.
But, bronchitis is like breathing through a straw 24 hours a day.
It’s impossible to accomplish anything. Even eating and drinking is tough because it requires too much activity and movement.
I remember getting winded brushing my teeth because the movement of my right arm from left to right made me so tired.
I repeatedly had to stop and catch my breath.
You would think I would’ve stopped forever after that. I did quit for a lengthy time period, but nicotine found its way back into my life, and here I sit today, 7 years later, with a distended stomach, and having difficulties breathing.
This has got to stop!
I’m sick of the pain, I’m sick of the stomach aches, and the breathing problems, and the freaking out, and the endless obsessions of “living it up one more night.”
I’ve said it a 1000 times.
Luckily, I have no real desire for a cigarette right now. I can barely breath, and it hurts, so there is no way I want to make it any worse than it already is.
This week is going by fast, though. I’m almost to my 2 week mark! Then one more week and nicotine will be out of my body forever.
That will be such a fantastic feeling of accomplishment.
NO YOU CAN’T!
One drag puts the addiction right back into your mind, and spreads nicotine throughout your body.
You may throw the cigarette down in anger, but 30 minutes later and you’ll be obsessing about it all over again.
The nightmare has returned.
You may even buy a pack that same day. You might even smoke more than before (to make up for lost time).
I can’t wait for the day when I don’t feel any physical withdrawal ever again. I know it’s coming. I have to believe that it’s coming.
I have to stay strong!
Day 11. I’ve quit before so this times the real deal. Lol I wish! I just keep taking one hour at a time. The cravings come and go and it stinks because I tell myself stop and it’s different each time fighting with myself no you cannot smoke your done nomore. I feel like I lost my best friend I’m sad and depressed and I think how can a cigarette do this to me. I’ve been smoking for 38 years so this is extremely hard however I’m really trying going to join the gym and try other better habits.
Laura Knight says
This is day 11 back on the wagon. My stomach is bothering me now and food doesn’t taste very good either. This quit is so different from the last one in the summer. Then my food tasted as good as when I was a child, it was unbelievable! Hopefully that will come back. Sleep is unpredictable now and I’ve had restless legs a couple of times in the night. Before I didn’t sleep well for a while and then I slept great. But now I never know how sleep is going to be. The most unsettling thing though is my mind, I literally lose my short term memory. It’s like I’m in the last stage of Alzheimer’s disease, no kidding!! My husband wanted me to get checked for Dementia last time but I assured him it was the not smoking that was causing it. My memory eventually cleared up. I’ve thought of 3 times when I’ve quit smoking for a while and none of them were the same. “No two quits are the same”, for sure. But this one’s the last one, it’s for good.
Like many others I’m on to day 11 cold turkey. Really proud of what I’ve achieved so far. Some days are easier than others, yesterday was quite tough. Today feels a bit better. I’m defo not having as many cravings as the had the few days, but they do sneak up on me, so need to be super prepared for when they come.
I’ve noticed that since I stopped smoking I’ve only stopped eating when I’m asleep, and that’s ok in the short-term. From today I’m making the effort to go back to my normal eating pattern.
I can’t and won’t start smoking again. Even though at times I feel crap, I still feel better than when I smoked. Onwards and upwards.
Hey 🙂 This is my first time posting… but I really appreciate reading everyone’s stories and how they are coping with quitting the BEAST!
I have smoked for 20 years and I AM OVER IT!! (well, i really miss it… but I will NOT let myself fall victim to the smoke).
Day 11… things i find, are starting to be better.. but the days seem hazy and I’m really just super proud of myself for making it through each day.
I do feel tho, that I am not as happy as I usually am.. which is ridiculous.. but it is what it is.
Things can only get better from here… I am hopeful that tomorrow will be just a lil bit less intense.
I’m on day 11- super proud this is by far the longest I have every quit! I’m making good choices had to go out with my husband in his truck he went to light a smoke and I asked him to stop and get out as I don’t really trust myself yet! And today was the first day I’ve had periods of craving I identified them and redirected every other day I have felt like the whole day was one constant craving! I’m trying to eat healthy but I did treat myself to a small bag of candy and it was a nice treat! Waiting for day 14 to get a bag of wine gums (my favourite) as my little treat!
Thanks for this blog Mateo. I’ve enjoyed reading and relating to other people’s sharing. I’m on day 11 now. It feels good, thinking i could be a non smoker. But I also know the battle never ends. I’m taking it one day at a time. Hard to believe how difficult it is to quit smoking. It really had become a controlling factor in most of my life decisions. I think I will always crave it them. Quitting require a complete change in mentality for me. I will keep trying. Tomorrow will be 12!!!
Hi today is my day 11 I’m wheezing I’m having headaches but I am not going back to Smoking again.
I’m done thanks Mateo.i can across this site today..when was feeling the edge to light up.but I’m not doing it.
All the way from South Africa
I have enjoyed reading these posts, they are very relatable…Today, is my 11th day being SMOKE FREE!!! I have been a pack a day smoker for the past 15 years.
I have been feeling good about this, minus the small coughs, enflamed mucus membranes, and fighting off my urges! (especially early in the mornings) I have been irritable and have lacked patience for the last week or so. However, I look forward to not being a slave to nicotine!!!
Day 11 I felt like after day 4 it got easier fewer cravings not thinking abt my vape all day now I find myself on day 11 having more cravings then ever!!! Is that normal?? Can someone pls explain!!!
Totally normal. The peak of withdrawal is at the 3 week mark.
Akron Chuck says
Day 11 for me and like the majority of you, I am struggling with some stomach issues. I have been wanting to quit after 30 years of smoking, but now scheduled for back surgery on day 15. Surgeon suggested It would be best to quit, as smoking slows the healing process. I’m really starting to feel good about myself, and I know I can remain a non-smoker. I know I’ll recover from surgery, and my lungs will recover as well. Stay strong everyone, and thanks Mateo for this inspiring blog.
Wow great work! Speedy recovery!
Day 11 smoke free today I feel good I slept a little better last night, my tummy is still upset but my headache is gone so that’s a plus. The cravings are not to bad today.
Morning Day 11!!!
Everytime I have a nicotine craving, I remind myself of how far I’ve come. Do I really want to have one and start this process all over again? I have been wanting to eat more, but I allow myself to chomp on healthier foods instead… celery, fresh cherries, oranges, fresh green beans etc. Items that take time to peel or chew but with fewer calories and I’ve been drinking water non stop! I also started walking 30 minutes in the am and 30 minutes at night and doing an easy beginner 7 minute workout app during the day. Anything to keep me busy and away from sitting on the porch wanting to light up. My lungs feel so much better and I find myself looking forward to my walks and workout.
Hoping within the next few weeks, cravings will go away even more
Thank you for listening, this blog seems to help a lot and to know I’m not alone.
Day 11 too! And it’s 2023, I don’t see many postings of this year but I know I’m not alone.. first of, Mateo are you still a non smoker?? Im so curious! Hope you are and happier than ever, you deserve good things cuz this blog is so helpful and awesome.
Im not exactly craving cigarettes although yes of course waves of “lets smoke” come and go, more like a habit, and then my brain realizes we dont smoke anymore. 2-3 nanoseconds of panic and disappointment and then all is better.. but my problem this time around is the food! I cant stop eating, it sucks so much. Smoke/food cravings are indistinguishable and so I go for the latter and hate myself after. Gaining weight and not a happy camper.. please any help with that?
Thank you all for being there and so real! Much love and keep strong❤️
Susan C says
I am on day 11 and feeling good. I am reading the comments and I am sad for some of you. I am sad for the creator of this blog. If you are sitting and obsessing over smoking, white knuckling through the day,,,,one foot out the door, you may be doing this wrong. I fear this is not a long lasting quit for you. I fear you are doing this wrong. You can’t just quit this way. You must change the way you are thinking.
I feel good and I am doing well. Not because I quit, because I didn’t. At least, that is what I am telling myself and others. The minute I deny myself something is the minute I will obsess over it until I get it. The minute someone else tells me I can’t have something is the minute I will fight for it until I get it. So, I changed the way I thought about it. Changed my perspective. I didn’t quit smoking. I’m just not smoking right now. I can have one whenever I want. I just choose not to this minute. And the next minute I will decide when it gets here. I’ve done that for 11 days worth of minutes and it has worked.
You all are so brave to do what you are doing. May I offer a different solution. I could never be successful with any quit programs. I had to find a completely way out there solution that works for me. It’s different but it works. I hope you don’t cast this post aside. It could help.
lol, you feel sorry for me? You’re on Day 11. You have about 5 and a half months before you can claim you are truly free. You’re literally at the very beginning. It’s easy to get caught up in the feelings of feeling good, but at your stage, it’s super easy to be caught off guard. And if you have the mindset of not quitting for good, but for just right now, well…it will find it’s way back to you. Come back at the 6 month mark and tell us the real strategy, not the 11 day strategy.
This is my 11th day and I can so relate with the blog that how the mind is making way for varieties of ideas to play out. Almost perfect setup to launch me into relapse is what I am fighting. I started with a cigarette a day 2.5 yrs back and before lockdown I have been smoking 7-8 a day but smoked like a pack of 20 a day for past three months.
The planning is the key here, the bigger the impression of the plan the fatter the rare chances of full blown relapse. It’s an activity mindlessly picked up and we are trying to be all the more mindful about it when trying to quit.
So, plan for small bouts of consciously abandoning it while keep up the larger part of fight not being mindful of it at all.
Eddie F says
Did you ever comment again, Susan? How long did you quit for? Like Matt says, this won’t work. I bet it didn’t work.
I tell you when it works, I had a major gambling addiction at college, losing $1000’s in one morning playing roulette. Then that was it. Cold turkey, off! Years later I thought like Susan now and yeah it works years later. I can put a small bet down (or not) and that is all. However….
SMOKING IS NOT THE SAME!
As Matt has put throughout the website, and btw I LOVE the quote boxes you use. Those are so key to me quitting. I read the pink and blue boxes and immediately stop craving a smoke.
I feel with booze and gambling, it is so much easier to control it. I’m sure most people would agree. We can have a drink or a bet and not be sucked in. Smoking takes no prisoners.
Just last month in another feeble attempt at quitting I was offered a cig. Think I’d stopped for a few days, didn’t really have a plan or even look online what I should do. Pretty much Susan’s style. Then boom, I’m smoking more than ever.
Only now I’m taking it seriously does it really hurt. I’ve quit countless times and not felt it for the first week or two. This time, no. Utter pain.
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY! It hurts so you make sure it’s your last cig.
Read Matt’s experience, not Susan’s!
Totally agree. Given up more times than I can count but think in my head I never really felt it was forever. This time I’m totally committed and god does it hurt!! It’s like I know I’ve lost my best friend and I’m grieving and in pain. I’ve heard comments like Susan’s before but if I waited for that mindset I’d be smoking at 100 years old. Like you, I have to feel this horrific pain in order to finally understand I’m NEVER doing this again!! Great blog, can’t tell you how much it has helped. The honesty is fantastic and totally relatable!! Keep going everyone x
It’s been two years since your reply.
You never said how long and how much you smoked. How did your system work. I hope it did work.
Day is my day 11. I had quit for a year and i recently relapsed for 2 weeks and am back on the bandwagon. Your right you cant even take one puff it destroys all the progress. Im feeling a slight sore throat today, after a day or two of headaches, i cant deny despite that, i feel healthier and calmer. Cigarettes jack your heart rate up and you smoke to calm down (which it doesnt) and its all bs. Good luck you can do it
Man today is my day 11. Okay I started doing a lozenge no earlier then 4 pm. It got pretty easy pretty quick right so I was only doing 2 a day through day 7 then 1 at like 11:30 pm. But then today I caved at 6:30pm and I’ve already had 3. I am So angry. I was totally rocking my way through it all. My big red gum and walking and a glass of hot tea helped through cravings but not today. Today has been the devil. I snapped off on my husband for making a comment about my cooking. I mean I went absolutely ballistic. I hope tomorrow is better because this was not expected. And I was doing so good.
Today is my day 11. I woke up and felt irate, it took everything I had to not snap at people. I took a drive for a while, but I also bought me a swisher sweet cigar, and I puffed on that, I didn’t inhale it cause I’m on the patch, and I know the extra nicotine would just make me sick. It’s amazing that even though I’m on the patch I still think of smoking. I’m starting to think that it’s not just the nicotine that causes the emotional issues, cause I’m on the 21mg patch right now and I still get short tempered and depressed. To all out there don’t do what I did today and by a cigar cause the habit will make you inhale when your not paying attention to yourself, it’s way to dangerous.
11 th day on no smoke i have the flue with congestion n body ache n fever n headache feeling vvv miserable
coleen gordon says
Day 11 was a very good day for me, no cig cravings, a little agitation but nothing serious. Now I don’t want to get to brave as we all know today may be good but tomorrow could present unknown challenges. However, as of right now I am very happy that I did not cave on any of the previous challenging days. I am still not going anywhere with out my water and for me the juice I make everyday seems to help, or at least I believe it does. Mateo I see that you take down some post so we cannot follow our own accomplishments this is not cool.
Nothing is taken down, I have to approve comments and I’m not on my website every single day. Sorry.
coleen gordon says
I see thank you for your reply. I do appreciate your site. I know there are plenty of sites out there, and that’s great but for some reason you are my favorite host. 🙂
Day 11. Quitting Juul. Smoked cigs in the my 20’s and quit 10 years ago. Started Juul about 3 years ago and let me tell you, I feel sorry for all these kids that are smoking these and have no idea what quitting is going to be like. It’s awful. The arguments of being healthier, not smelling, having to go outside all dont work because they make these little devils very easy for you to do everywhere. The motive for me is money and the fact that it clearly has control of me which I dont like. Anyway day 8-10 has been rough. A lot of junky talk. You won’t make it, if you are always gonna feel like this what bother, your sinuses are swollen because you quit. Your gaining weight. I m doing cold turkey and hope it gets easier soon. Yesterday was so rough I had to take a Klonipon to calm down and have a few drinks. Not ideal but if it gets me through a really bad craving I think it’s better than caving. Any advise everyone? Nights are rough. I have 3 small kids and the night time is a mix of a lot to do and feeling trapped.
don’t worry about whatever you have to do to keep you from caving and relapsing. Another day under the belt is a victory no matter what. Trust me, the feeling does go away. Its difficult at the beginning, yes, but it does get better, and eventually you won’t ever think about it. Good luck!
Day 11. This is my 2nd big quit. I quit for 10 years (got pregnant and had kids) and relapsed when my sister died. For the past 17 years now I’ve been on again/off again with more on than off.
This time I’m AWARE of the mind games and the sneaky way the addiction tries to convince you it’s ok to light up again. I take it literally one day and one craving at a time… when a craving hits I immediately start breathing deeply and I do so something to distract myself.. I know the craving WILL GO AWAY if I don’t feed the addiction. And I now know that the cravings are becoming less frequent. On the plus side, I don’t smell, my car doesn’t smell, and I’m not constantly clearing my throat. This blog helps me. I check in every day. Mateo’s descriptions of the manipulative nature of nicotine is so on point and helps me stay strong! I can’t have one puff.. I never can. And that’s OKAY
Alexa C says
Yesterday D10, went ok until the evening when my mind started obsessing about smokes it took all I had to not run to the store I finally went to bed early rather than fight
Day 11, woke up with a headache, my gums and teeth are sore, it’s still early to tell how the day will go
Thanks for your day to day blog, look forward to reading it to see what’s in store
John f Gerrard says
Day 11. Damn, miss that nicotine. Haven’t had a real cigarette in a while, but am quitting vaping. Feels way harder than real cigarettes to be honest, because I vaped every minute all day. Had my first few glasses of wine tonight which made me want nicotine so bad. First seven days were hell, damn all 11 have been awful. Got to keep going though. It has to get better after two weeks, right?
Yes, much better. But after 3 weeks is when you’ll really start to notice not thinking about it.
on Day 11
My energy level increased a lot!
I don’t know how many more days I have to wait to feel normal.
Day 11 for me. I can’t count how many times I tried before. I have been a smoker for 30 years, and yesterday was horrible. So, I decided to see if the cravings and terrible feeling would get worse if I drink wine. I used to drink wine frequently, but stopped a week before I quit smoking.
I had a glass, and to my surprise – not only did I not like the wine, the cravings to smoke didn’t get any worse – I just got tired and fell asleep on the sofa.
Today is a new day, and I am feeling better than yesterday. Still don’t sleep well at night, and miss waking up rested. Hope it will get better soon, as I feel like walking in a haze or bubble.
Thanks for listening, and am glad I found this site.
Angela P says
First off, CONGRATULATIONS on quittng and staying strong!!!
It’s my first time quitting. Smoked for 18 and a half years and I’m only 29! I know, horrible. I finally decided how much longer can I dodge the bullet of death and I don’t want to find out soon quit. It is day 11 for me today and yesterday I did absolutely nothing but obsess over the thought of smoking. It’s getting harder at times it seems, will this ever leave my mind cause I can’t go through that much longer with it messing with me mentally!? I feel like I’m literally going crazy at times!
She dukes says
Today its my day 11 of smoking , this is the second time I am on this road . The first time I did it when I found out I was Pregnant and it was successful, I went back to smoking due to i lost my job believe me I don’t want to go to that thing again it’s awful. Some days are hard some are easy but yesterday went well hoping for a good day today. I feel good since I don’t smoke anymore. I feel healthy I am not going back of being a slave in nicotine regardless of any setback I will encounter in my life .
Hi I’m on my 11th day. Been smoking for years. Gave up cigarettes about 3 months ago started smoking little cigars. Just recently got out of the hospital complaining of arm and chest pain. Had a major heart attack. Doctor inserted a stent in my coronary artery because of 100 percent blockage. Going to quit for good this time. I’m not going to let nicotine take over my life and put me six Feet under.
Hey mateo, thanks for this blog man, it’s a real crutch to help me by each day. I’m on day 11, everyday I’m looking forward to read how you coped with it and what to expect.
I’m trying to find some sick pleasure in resisting the mind tricks and the stomach pain. It’s scary to see how my mind can turn on me, for the most ridiculous reasons. It’s tottaly worth leaving this crap behind. I never want to go through this again. I’m looking forward to what day 12 will bring!!
tim jennings says
Same way with me. I come here everyday to see how Mateo dealt with the withdrawal. I am so amazed how emotionally manipulative nicotine is…like it’s alive and I’m trying to kill it!
I took a few(3-4) hits from a cigarette today. I was upset and frustrated and in all honesty, I did it because I could. It was awful and I cried even more afterward. This is my 2nd time quitting. The first time I quit for 1 year, 1 day.
I feel like a failure. Not just with smoking. With a great many things. 2017 keeps giving me shit every time I turn around. And today… well today was the straw that broke my back and I caved.
It made me dizzy and didn’t relieve any of my anxiety. And I had to brush my teeth afterward. It is- or was- day 11 for me.
I don’t know if I should start over. I don’t want to smoke. Not right now anyway. The cravings have really quieted and withdrawal HAS subsided.
I think today was really about me saying “eff you” TO — well, to everything.
To this year.
To all this bullshit.
To every person around me who smokes while I fight for control.
I did it because I could. And I wish I hadn’t. The guilt really sucks.
You sound exactly how I felt for all those years. I can totally relate to your struggle. Unfortunately, you HAVE put the drug back into your system. But the silver lining is that you must realize that relapse didn’t do a damn thing for you. It only made things worse. It didn’t solve anything. It just created more problems. If you understand that, really try to drive that home into your mindset this next time you quit, which hopefully is now. Smoking does absolutely nothing for you, and only makes your life worse. Don’t worry about others who smoke around you. They most likely could very well be miserable inside. Never quit quitting. You can do it!! Set a new record this time!
HEY KIM, I AM GOING THROUGH MY DAY 11 TODAY. THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME I QUIT SMOKING, AND EVERY TIME I HAVE GONE BACK I FEEL MISERABLE, LIKE I CAN’T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING.. I PUT MYSELF A GOAL AND I FAIL… OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I THINK YOURE FEELING THE SAME WAY TOO TODAY… BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN DO IT, START AGAIN, ONE DAY AT A TIME… IF YOU FEEL YOU REALLY WANT TO SMOKE GO ONLINE AND CHECK WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR BODY AFTER YOU QUIT, HOW IT STARTS HEALING – THAT IS WHAT HAS HELPED ME THIS TIME. I HAVE QUIT SMOKING THIS TIME FOR GOOD, I AM NOT GOING BACK TO THAT PRISON. IF YOUR ISSUE IS BEING AROUND WITH PEOPLE THAT SMOKE THEN FOR YOUR OWN GOOD STAY AWAY FROM THEM, IF YOU CANT, THEN POLITELY ASK THEM NOT TO SMOKE IN FRONT OF YOU… AT THIS STAGE WE NEED HELP AND I AM SURE OUR LOVED ONES UNDERSTAND. START AGAIN, RESET THE COUNTER!