I was definitely NOT a social smoker.
Some days would be worse, because I would literally have one right after the other, especially if I was drinking.
Some days wouldn’t be so bad, and I would only have 10 or so.
But, as a chain smoker who was obviously addicted to nicotine, days were ALWAYS like this.
Hope you can relate.
My alarm goes off, so I immediately get up out of bed to shut it off. At that same moment, I think about smoking.
Instead, I jump back into bed for a bit and rest some more. But the initial thought of smoking does cross my mind.
I don’t even go to the bathroom first, I grab a smoke instead.
The first one of the day is always the best, reminding me why I’m like this in the first place. It tastes great!
I usually give myself 30 minutes or so until I have to get in the shower and get ready for work.
In that span of 30 minutes, I’ll smoke at least another cigarette, 2 at the most.
So that makes 3 now before I’ve even showered.
Of course after I’ve showered and gotten dressed, I’ll have another. For some reason, the fresh feeling of being all nice and clean makes me want to smoke.
It’s a big trigger, don’t ask me why, it just is.
So, off to work I go.
I open the door, leave my apartment, lock the door behind me, and light up another one.
It’s fun to smoke on my walk to the bus stop. I like to think about my day and what’s going to potentially happen at the same time.
If I time it right, the bus will arrive within 5 or so minutes of me getting to the stop.
But, if I somehow miss it, or it arrives too early and leaves without me, that will give me a reason to smoke another one while I wait for the next bus to come.
Eventually it arrives, and off to work I go. How many have I had so far?
I’ve had 6 cigarettes already, and it’s not even noon yet.
Pretty disgusting, isn’t it?
I get off the bus and have another.
I’ve got about a half mile walk to work, so deep down I know I can have up to 3 more if I really wanted to.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.
Of course I smell like an ashtray when I walk in.
I don’t notice it, but I’m sure everyone else does. I bet they think I smell gross, but I can’t tell because smokers can’t smell themselves.
So, because I had so many before work, I have enough nicotine in my blood to last for a couple hours.
What does that mean?
It means I can work for 3 or 4 hours and not intensely crave nicotine. I’ll be fine for my work shift, but I will get cranky towards the end of it.
But as soon as I get the chance, I’m going outside to have another.
I don’t think I smoke too much, only 1 or 2 at the most while at work. That isn’t bad, right?
Before you know it, work is finished. How many have I had now?
I’ve had 11, and now it’s night time.
Any of this ring a bell? This is everyday life for me.
I leave work and immediately light up another.
It was a rough day of work, and I deserve it. It’s my treat for working so hard.
And yes, back up to the bus stop I go, walking that half mile. I almost always have two in this time frame.
If my bus arrives within minutes, great! If not, I’ll have another while I wait, no big deal.
Finally, the bus comes, and back home I go.
When I get dropped off, I have a cigarette on the walk back to my apartment. It’s the natural thing to do.
I like to reflect about my day at work while I’m walking home.
What’s the running total now?
I’ve had 14 cigarettes.
I open the door to my apartment, and immediately get greeted by my kitties. They love me so much, they can’t wait till I get home.
I start to get settled, pop open a beer, and before I even take off my work uniform, I light up a cigarette.
I may even have one before I go to the bathroom.
I live by myself, so I don’t worry about smoking in my apartment. It’s only me, so who cares, right?
If I was expecting company, I’d go outside or open a window, but for now, I’m fine with smoking inside.
I’m a computer nerd, so I like to sit around most nights and fiddle around on my computer, surfing the Internet.
Usually I’m drinking and listening to music and multi-tasking, so I’m having a good time, for the most part.
I have about two cigarettes during that first beer, just because I’ve finally gotten home to relax and unwind.
It’s my treat.
NOW I’ll change my clothes.
I’m hungry, but I’d rather drink another beer and maybe smoke another cigarette, but I’ll wait until I’m almost finished with my 2nd beer.
I don’t want to smoke TOO much!
Alright, now how many?
I’ve had 17.
I know at some point I have to go back to the store for another pack, so I pop in a pizza, and hurry to the store.
It’s right across the street anyways.
Maybe I’ll even smoke half a cigarette before I get in, and then smoke the 2nd half on the way back. That sounds like a great idea!
So, I get back, turn on the TV, cut the pizza, and sit down and relax for a bit.
I’ll even drink another beer.
I get so full that I don’t want to do anything else besides sit there for a while.
But I’ll smoke and watch TV for a bit.
It’s getting late and I’m tired, so I think I’m going to go to bed.
I’m going to surf the Internet for a little while longer, though, so I’ll have another cigarette.
My kitty jumps on my lap to cuddle while I’m in my chair, but when I light up, she quickly jumps off. She doesn’t like the smell.
It doesn’t stop me, though.
OK, I’m done for the night. I’m tired and ready for bed.
So I’ll smoke one last one while I put on my pajamas and turn off all the lights. It was a rough day at work, and I need some rest.
It’s about midnight anyways, so this will give me 8 hours of sleep. Goodnight.
How many did I have today?
I had 21 cigarettes.
If this was a Friday or Saturday night and I was going out to the bars with friends, I’d have twice that.
This was just an average day of my life.
Can you relate to my story?
Here is another story of a woman whose daily routine was completely controlled by nicotine.
I find this story fascinating, and it hits home very hard. It’s called The Isolation of a Widowed Smoker.
There are many similarities between that woman and myself. I definitely can relate to her story.
Here is a day of me trying to stop my filthy habit. Do you go through the same struggles?